#ESMEINK : “Tribe + Loss” Day 10

grief

{Tribe and LOSS}

I’m going back to the base chakra again today. While I’m searching for some answers regarding my heritage and family history, I have been thinking a lot about someone who was a part of my clan for a very short period when I was only a young child, not able to understand.

Today, I mourn my sister, Dana, who moved to the other side-next life-heaven-whatever it may be. She was only a baby.

How strange, that someone whom I do not remember, or barely knew, has such an impact on my heart. The more the years go by, the more I feel connected to her soul. The more I feel the loss.

As much as this is a matter of the heart, to me, it’s also a matter of “clan.” There are many elements missing from where I came from, but missing a member such as a sister, makes me feel like there is more work at the base chakra before I move to the heart. She was a part of my adoptive family. My true clan. The beautiful people, who gave me strong morals, bestowed acceptance upon me, showed me what unconditional love meant and so, so much more.

I love her so much today. I feel the push to open up this box. To hurt, and to heal.

To grow.

My mom has always said, if I wanted to talk about her, or see a picture, to just ask. I only remember bringing the topic up a couple of times, and it brought my mom to tears. Her pain hurts me more than the loss I feel. A woman, who adopted, because she couldn’t have children of her own. A woman, who had so much love to give, she was willing to love and raise a complete stranger, and give her life. And then, the miracle. Pregnancy, and the birth of a beautiful girl. Followed, by darkness. I don’t know how a parent copes. I don’t’ know how they move on. I don’t know how a marriage survives. It must be just love. Isn’t love the root of all that is good? Doesn’t love heal all things?

I’m grateful for the clan I have. I am saddened by the ones we’ve lost, the one’s I have yet to find, and the one’s to come.

I invite this sadness in today, to appreciate you, Dana, you young beautiful soul. You are missed, and loved. I hope to meet you once again, and truly get to know you.
I invite sadness in today, to help me heal and grow strong. Healing occurs in the present moment. I will build roots, deep into the ground, not forgetting about you, yet honouring you and building a strong clan.

{Mantra}
“OM”

#ESMEINK Journal Entry by Lise-Marie Johnson

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